According to a 2016 psychological study, an effective apology has six components:
- an expression of regret for the offense
- an explanation of why the violation occurred
- an acknowledgment of responsibility for the offense
- a declaration of repentance
- an offer of trust repair
- a request for forgiveness
The authors studied apologies that comprised just one of these six components, three of the six in various combinations, or all six. They found that all six components were needed for a truly effective apology. Three components were particularly important:
- An Explanation for why the violation may have occurred, which is an effort by the violator to affect the victim’s sense‐making about the violation in a way that might make the violation seem more understandable, less intentional, or less dissonance‐creating to the victim.
- An Offer of Repair, which may restore the tangible or economic damage that occurred as a result of the violation.
- An Acknowledgement of Responsibility, in which the violator assumes responsibility for having created the violation, hence limiting the number of alternative explanations for why the violation occurred.
Over the past ten days, many of us have been wondering what the path forward is. On January 6, 2021, a rally led by President Trump evolved into a riot, culminating in an attack on the US Capitol while Congress was debating challenges to the Electoral College votes from Arizona. Details are still coming into view, but a few facts are clear:
- There was a portion of the crowd who arrived at the rally intending to attack the Capitol. They had plans, weapons, and other equipment needed for such an attack.
- Prior to the rally, President Trump and his allies spent months saying first that the election would be stolen, then that the election had been stolen. They stated clearly that it was incumbent on Trump’s supporters to “STOP THE STEAL.”
- In encouraging people to attend the rally, Trump tweeted, “Big protest in D.C. on January 6th. Be there, will be wild!”
- Multiple speakers at the rally used language about violence. From the full transcript of Trump’s remarks, “We’re going walk down to the Capitol, and we’re going to cheer on our brave senators, and congressmen and women. We’re probably not going to be cheering so much for some of them because you’ll never take back our country with weakness. You have to show strength, and you have to be strong.” Rudy Giuliani said, “But if we’re right, a lot of them will go to jail. Let’s have trial by combat.”
While Trump himself did not participate in the violence, he bears some culpability for encouraging his supporters. So do his allies like Giuliani, and so do members of Congress like Senator Josh Hawley (who unfortunately represents my state).
There have been calls from Republicans for “unity.” “It is past time for all of us to try to heal our country and move forward,” said Senator Lindsey Graham. The question is, how best to achieve this healing? For guidance, let’s look at the apology steps listed above. I have seen no indication from President Trump, or any of his close allies, of ANY of the six steps.
The two predominant approaches to wrongdoing are retributive and restorative justice. Retributive justice is most familiar to us, and comes down from the ancient law of Moses and Code of Hammurabi: an eye for an eye. In modern jurisprudence, crimes are committed against the state. Criminal cases are always brought on behalf of “the people.” Offenders are punished, both as retribution and deterrence. In restorative justice, the emphasis is on restoring what was lost, both the actual loss (e.g., the value of something stolen) and the loss of harmony in the community. Restorative justice is a relatively new concept in Western law, though it was prevalent in pre-modern societies such as among Native Americans.
The most widely known example of restorative justice is the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in South Africa, 1996-2003. This commission was instrumental in the transition from apartheid to legal equality for all races. I had the privilege of seeing F. W. de Klerk speak on campus a few years ago. He was the transition leader, the last white president of South Africa. He spoke at length about the importance of both aspects of the TRC: truth first, reconciliation second. There is no hope for peace without both. To the extent that the TRC failed to achieve all of its objectives, the failures were primarily in the lack of truth: offenders concealing some aspects of their crimes in order to receive unearned amnesty.
The second aspect of TRC, reconciliation, depends upon repentance, the fourth component of an apology listed above. “Repentance” is commonly taken to mean a confession of wrongdoing, but actually means a turning: turning away from wrong actions, turning towards right actions. Repentance is essential for a community.
15 “If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. 16 But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
Matthew 18:15-17
Jesus counsels us to first confront an offender in private, then with witnesses, and then before the whole community. If they still will not repent, they are to be expelled for the good of the community. The message doesn’t end there, though:
21 Then Peter came and said to him, “Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.
Matthew 18:21-22
Jesus calls us to repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation. If a person sins against the community, our goal is to restore them to full status, full membership in the kingdom of God. If the person truly repents, they are to be welcomed back with total forgiveness, no matter how often they sin. But if they will not repent, they are to be excluded for the good of the community.
So what are we to do with President Trump and his supporters? I am willing to forgive them, despite their attack on democratic norms and the very foundation of our republic. However, there must be true repentance first. There must be all six components of an apology: only after fulfilling all of their obligations to restore what they have broken are they to be welcomed back as full participants in society. As long as they continue to assert that the election was stolen, that they were right to threaten our political stability, and that their words were unrelated to the violent actions taken on January 6, they are not ready to be forgiven. Until they declare unequivocally that they support our duly-elected new president, Joe Biden, and take actions to prevent future undemocratic acts, their calls for unity are simply attempts to avoid the bright light of Truth that must precede Reconciliation.