Last night, I picked up groceries from Walmart. I love it: my family and I can put things in the cart over the course of the week, and then place an order that I just pick up. The Walmart associates who do the shopping are pretty good about finding substitutions, and the ones who load the groceries in my car are always friendly and helpful. Walmart saw a need a few years ago, then ramped up their service as the pandemic restrictions further drove people to avoid in-person shopping.
There’s no doubt that my relationship with Walmart, though, is purely transactional. If they didn’t believe they were making just as much money with this system as they do with in-person shopping, I have no doubt that they would end it, setting aside all their platitudes about the safety of their customers.
I have used the same bank branch since we moved to Rolla, although they were previously Bank of America and are now First State Community Bank. When I walk in, Liz, the manager of their main operations, always welcomes me by name. (My beard makes me recognizable, even with a mask on.) Charlie, the loan officer that helped us with our new house construction, asks me how the house is, how my wife is doing, and so forth. I feel like the people there truly care about my well-being. When I need something that’s a bit out of the ordinary, they’re always helpful. I’ve seen the way they treat other customers, too—kind and caring. But at the end of the day, the services they provide are tied to the profit I produce for their branch. They care because they’re good people, but also because their relationship with me brought them additional business—the construction loan—that would otherwise have gone to a different bank.
My relationship with my employer is a bit different. Missouri S&T certainly has people for whom the entire relationship is transactional. For them, though, the relationship is always on the surface and always in jeopardy. One way to get a raise (here or elsewhere) is to get an offer from outside. Good department chairs, deans, and other administrators, though, will stay ahead of that, because once an employee starts seriously considering an offer from a different company or university, they already have one foot out the door. It’s much better to foster a deeper relationship, a feeling that the person is valued as a part of the campus community. Some administrators use that deeper relationship to exploit the vulnerable, but smart and successful campus leaders know that people will work harder and contribute more to the campus mission if they believe they are genuinely valued.
In some religious circles, an individual’s relationship with God is reduced to a transaction. One form that takes is the “sinner’s prayer”: say the right words that affirm your belief in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, and you’re saved. Done. Other religious groups believe in more of a works-based salvation. My limited understanding of LDS beliefs indicates that it falls into this category. Their third Article of Faith is, “We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.” (emphasis added)
One group of relationships that isn’t, or at least shouldn’t be, transactional is family. No matter what I do or where I go, I know that I am unconditionally loved by my parents and my siblings. I hope that my kids know that they are also unconditionally loved. Familial bonds can be strained and even broken, as all human relationships are breakable. Still, they are not transactional in the way that my relationship with Missouri S&T is. My wife and I didn’t become parents so that our kids could give us something or do something for us; we became parents because our love for each other made us want to share that love. I have no illusions—neither of my kids has any intention of living in Rolla, or even in Missouri, where they could take care of us as we age. That’s OK. Loving someone means that you want the best for them, not that you want them to do something for you.
46 While he was still speaking to the crowds, his mother and his brothers were standing outside, wanting to speak to him. 47 Someone told him, “Look, your mother and your brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.” 48 But to the one who had told him this, Jesus replied, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” 49 And pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”
Matthew 12:46-50
Here, Jesus implies a works-based religion: do the will of God and you will be part of God’s family. However, we need to consider this in light of the Parable of the Prodigal Son. There, Jesus described a man who rejected his family. He asked for his inheritance early, essentially saying, “Father, you’re dead to me.” This is pretty much the essence of a transactional relationship. The son is saying that he doesn’t care about the father as a person, but only as a source of wealth. Later, though, he “came to himself” and returned to his father, fearing the worst and hoping only to be treated like a hired hand instead of as part of the family. But when he returned, his father welcomed him back as an honored son.
We are all welcome in God’s kingdom, or as some would have it, in God’s kin-dom, God’s family. When we do God’s will, we are a part of that family. When we don’t, well, we’re still part of the family, just a bit estranged. I once saw home defined as the place where they can’t turn you away. Some people don’t have that sort of home in their human family, but we all have that sort of home in our holy family. Come home.
A few program notes. As you may know, I am an elder at First Presbyterian Church of Rolla. I am spearheading an effort to resume our Fired Up! informal worship service in an online-only format. I post a video weekly on Tuesday night or Wednesday morning, and then encourage people to discuss the scripture in our Facebook Group. Come join us!
I am also an organizer of LGBTQ+ Rolla, which exists to advance the LGBTQ+ community in Rolla and Phelps county. We have a website and a Facebook Group. If you are LGBTQ+ or an ally and live around here, come join us!