Recently, I read This Is Day One, by Drew Dudley. One of his exercises for identifying your personal leadership values, drawn from lived experience, is to write a list of advice.
If you were sitting on the edge of the bed of your son or daughter the night before they left home for good, what advice would you give them? What are the most important lessons life has taught you so far? Ultimately, what perspectives, actions, or ideas have played the biggest role in your happiness?
I decided that was a worthy exercise, and that I should share my list with my kids (who indeed have left home, maybe not for good but close to it). And, I might as well share the list with others, too. I won’t claim credit for every entry. They have been informed by my family (especially my parents) and friends (especially Sharon), plus books I have read and events I have attended. I do stand behind all of them, though, and all of them have been meaningful to me.
- Choose your friends wisely. They will make you better or worse.
- Some people are different from you. They value different things and have had different life experiences. That doesn’t make them right or wrong, just different.
- Have someone you can tell anything—anything at all—confident that they will still love you and want the best for you. Be that person for someone else, too.
- Taking care of your body pays long-term dividends.
- Everyone is dealing with something. Sometimes it’s obvious and public, like a wheelchair. Often it’s hidden and private. Be kind, since you don’t know what load the other person is carrying.
- It’s better to be lucky than good, but you make your own luck through hard work, a willingness to learn, and openness to others.
- Love. Always love. Love is putting other people first.
- When someone points out a mistake, the best thing to do is to correct it as best you can. If you try to defend yourself, you’ll just make it worse.
- You don’t have to understand someone to appreciate that they have the divine spark within them. That’s particularly true of LGBTQ individuals.
- As a student, you will hit a wall when the system you have doesn’t work anymore. Be willing to tear it down and build a better system. Change your study habits, your schedule, whatever.
- Have a system for tracking short-term and long-term tasks and goals. If you don’t, odds are you’ll forget something important. The system has to work for you. Get suggestions from others, but make it your own.
- If you don’t write it down, it might as well not have happened. (Speaking of research and other work.)
- Everyone’s life is a product of both their actions and their environment. Be proud of or take responsibility for your actions, but also acknowledge the people and opportunities you’ve had that formed you.
- Family is important. Chosen family—spouse, children, close friends—is essential.
- The fact that it could be worse, doesn’t make it any better.
- It is always better to make more money.
- Beware of making a series of small decisions that add up to a big one.
- Make a choice, then do what’s necessary to make it the right one.
- Public speaking is easiest when you are the person in the room who knows the most about the subject. Just define the subject to make sure that you are the most knowledgeable.
- Always be beyond reproach.
- There is no fixed timeline or process to grief or emotional healing. It is up to each person who is hurting to determine how best to heal and how long it will take. Stay on your own timeline, not someone else’s.
- The kingdom of God is at hand! We can experience it in relationships with other people.
- Abundant life is not the same as a life of abundance. Abundant life is about love, peace, hope.
- No matter how thin the pancake, there are always two sides. Life is more complex than you realize from your own perspective.
- If you have privilege—race, gender, orientation, educational, financial—use it to elevate those who don’t.
- If you want something done, give it to someone who is busy. Be that busy person who gets stuff done.
- You will often find that the people who work long hours are in the office because they don’t want to be at home. It’s OK to work hard, but don’t work as a form of escapism.
- No one person can ever be enough for you. Yes, you should choose a life partner and choose them wisely, but do not rely on them to be your only support.
- Life doesn’t follow a straight line. It’s OK to make some changes along the way that may seem like steps backwards if they make your life better in some way (e.g., short-term career pain for long-term and/or personal gain).
- Do the best you can with what you have, where you are today.
- Find good mentors, more than one. People who represent the kind of person you want to be. Since nobody is perfect, have different mentors for different parts of your life or different aspects in which you want to grow.