Humans are meant to flourish and thrive. Abraham Maslow developed a “hierarchy of needs” that encapsulate everything a person needs to flourish. The foundation levels are physiological and safety needs. Everyone needs water, food, shelter, and security.

Once those needs are fulfilled at some minimal level, though, each person needs to satisfy higher psychological, emotional, and spiritual needs. Love and belonging: we are meant to be in loving relationships with one another, whether friends, family, chosen family, or a larger community. Esteem: we all need both self-esteem and status and recognition in our community, however that is defined. Self-actualization: we are driven to make the most of our capabilities, achieve our potential.

Later, Maslow and other researchers added a sixth need: self-transcendence. We all have a desire to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. That can be a community, a religion, an organization, a nation, or something more spiritual. The ultimate self-transcendence is to feel a part of the Universe, connected to and united with all people and all things, everywhere and throughout time. Few people reach that level of self-transcendence, except Jesus and the Buddha. But it is a goal towards which we can all strive.

Aside from the physiological and safety needs, a connection to God as you understand Them is important at all of the higher levels. People have different names for God: Adonai, the Trinity, Allah; the pantheon of Hindu gods; the Universe, the Source; and so forth. These are all ways of describing Something that transcends our ordinary experience. I am personally a Trinitarian Christian, but acknowledge the possibility, even the high likelihood, that most or all spiritual traditions are describing different aspects of the same ultimate Reality.

The problem is that we fight over different interpretations of that ultimate reality. We try to convince others either that they MUST subscribe to our interpretation in order to be in our community, or that they are forbidden from approaching our God because of some inherent quality of theirs. The pursuit of a connection to ultimate reality becomes a solitary journey, then, or people give up on the pursuit because they think it is blocked.

But it’s not. Nobody has the right to tell you that you are unworthy in God’s sight, except for God. Nobody has exclusive access to Truth. St. Augustine once said, “Si comprehendus, non est Deus,” which means “If you understand, it is not God.” Joy, peace, transcendence, and connection are found in the pursuit, not in any particular doctrine or definition.

Si comprehendus, non est Deus.
If you understand, it is not God.

St. Augustine

Pastor? Mentor? Teacher? Sherpa!

In the Christian tradition, leaders are normally called “pastor,” which derives from the Latin for shepherd. The implication is that the pastor knows where to go and guides the flock in that direction, like lost sheep being prodded and pushed and herded. The reality is that pastors know more about scripture and theology, and guide their flocks with love and care, but have no more direct access to the ultimate Truth than anyone else.

In many life settings and philosophical traditions, “mentors” lead protégés. The original model is Mentor, a character in the Odyssey who was entrusted with raising and guiding Odysseus’s son, Telemachus. There are many positive examples of mentorship. However, in its worst form, the relationship can be quite paternalistic as in the Odyssey, where the mentor claims superior knowledge, skill, and wisdom, and seeks to form the protégé into a copy, a “Mini-Me.” I often serve as a mentor within my limited sphere of engineering and academia, but would never claim such authority in the spiritual realm.

Jewish leaders are termed “rabbis,” or teachers. Any teacher has an area where they are experts and other areas where they are learners. I can accept being called “teacher” in my profession as an engineer. There are also specific topics within scripture and theology where I have enough expertise to guide others. When it comes to the broad outlines of the spiritual journey, though, what I know from my own journey can provide just one limited perspective. Oscar Wilde said, “Nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.” Developing spiritual depth and wisdom must come from experience, not knowledge transfer.

The Sherpas are an ethnic group in Nepal, India, and Tibet who live high in the Himalayas. Because of their extensive lived experience in that mountainous terrain, many mountain guides and bearers on Himalayan expeditions are Sherpas. As a result, “sherpa” has come to mean a person who helps you on your mountain journey. They may help carry burdens that you cannot. They may help you in an emergency, or go get help for you. They may know the right path to take, or they may rely on their instincts developed over years in the mountains to help you identify better and worse paths.

I see myself as a Thriving Sherpa. I cannot tell you how to thrive. I cannot tell you what to believe or how to behave. I can tell you what I know from my own study and experience, and help you figure out your own path. I can help you carry burdens—emotional, spiritual, relational—as you pursue self-actualization and self-transcendence. And like Tenzing Norgay, who accompanied Edmund Hillary on the first successful summit of Mount Everest, my reward is being a part of your triumph, your flourishing, your emergence as the best version of yourself who helps fill the world with love.

Queer Spirituality

I feel called to be a Thriving Sherpa for the LGBTQ+ community and their allies. For too long, gay and transgender individuals have been told that they are inherently sinful and unworthy of God’s love. THIS IS CATEGORICALLY FALSE. There is nobody who is unworthy. Everyone is pure and holy at their center.

There are some relationships that are beautiful, joyful, and life-giving, and should be celebrated and affirmed.

There are some relationships that are abusive, exploitative, and life-denying, and should be ended.

The gender(s) of the participants is only incidental to whether a relationship is life-giving or life-denying. In fact, heterosexual relationships are more likely to be corrupted by gender dynamics inherited from patriarchy than same-sex relationships. I reject any theology or social framework that elevates and affirms a marriage in which the husband abuses the wife while denying or castigating a marriage between two loving men or two loving women.

The Divine Spark dwells in each person’s innermost being. There, with all of the externalities removed, we are all pure and good. At STL Pride 2015, a rabbi led a chant, “Elohai neshamah shenatata bi tehorah hi.” “My God, the soul you breathe in me is pure and good.” That soul dwells within our human flesh. In some cases, there is a mismatch between the form of that perfect and beautiful soul and the outermost form of the flesh containing it. In some cases, we lack language to really describe the form of that soul. The closest terms we can come up with are things like “non-binary,” “genderfluid,” and “genderqueer.” These are all failings of our language and culture, not of the perfect and beautiful soul.

To be absolutely clear: I believe that same-sex and opposite-sex relationships are equal before God. I believe that people of all genders are equal before God. It is our task to build a society in which healthy relationships can flourish, and people of all genders can flourish.

Patriarchy Is Bad. God Is Good.

I recognize that I write this all from a place of extreme privilege. I am a straight, cisgender, white man. I have never needed to contend with minority status due to my race, gender, or sexual orientation. It is incumbent on me to learn about the challenges that minorities of all kinds face in our society, and to work to alleviate them. Rather than forsaking my privilege, I strive to use it to elevate those who are on the margins because of their identity.

I believe, as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., said, “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.” He was speaking of the ultimate end of history when we all know the Truth, the infinite Love that awaits us when all things are reconciled. God is good. The Universe is good. But MLK also recognized, as I do, that the moral arc does not bend on its own. It bends towards justice when those of us who have the ability to make a change in the world pursue justice, righteousness, and reconciliation.

So my calling is to help people wherever they are on their journey. For many years, I have sought to create an organization and a place where everyone can fulfill their love and belonging needs, LGBTQ+ Rolla. At the same time, I have been exploring the spiritual terrain and growing closer to God as I understand Them. Now I am stepping out to create a space where I can walk alongside people who are striving to fulfill their higher needs, as they recognize a need to be a part of something bigger than themselves, as big as the whole Universe.