Category: General

Yesterday, sitting in worship at First Presby and listening to testimony from three members, I reflected on my previous post and realized how inadequate it was. I know most people who read this are family or close friends, but even still: what do you care about how I read the Bible? Or any of the other things, other than to confess hypocrisy.

What matters more broadly is how I fail to proclaim the Gospel. This summer, I’m taking a course on worship from the University of Dubuque. The point of worship is to prepare us for mission. In today’s church vernacular, “mission” is usually interpreted as acts of charity or service.My denomination, though, declares a different mission in the opening section of the Book of Order:

In Christ, the Church participates in God’s mission for the transformation of creation and humanity by proclaiming to all people the good news of God’s love, offering to all people the grace of God at font and table, and calling all people to discipleship in Christ.

PC(USA) Book of Order, F-1.01

Acts of charity and service are necessary but not sufficient. We must proclaim the Gospel to the ends of the earth.

So a more appropriate confession is this: I have failed to teach others about the good news of God’s love for all humanity. If you read my statements of faith (old and new), you’ll see that I believe that all are welcome in God’s kingdom. But if I don’t actually TELL people that they are welcome, or what that means or why they should care, what’s the point?

The dominant cultural narrative is that churches reject gay “lifestyles” and transgender “ideology.” If you ask a random person in Rolla, would they know that there are any churches where LGBT individuals are welcome? Any place where there are people who accept them as they were made in the image of God, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity? Probably not.

One recent audiobook I listened to was Getting Things Done. My list of things to look into includes setting up an LGBT resource center of some sort in Rolla. S&T students have access to the student diversity house, but what about younger students, faculty, staff, or people in the community? What can I do, as a straight, cis-gender man, to support the LGBT community?

One last note: I was asked if I want feedback on these posts. Sure! I have it set that your first comment will need to be approved (just to keep spammers and trolls away), but feel free to comment on anything I post.

I listen to a lot of audiobooks while I’m running. I get them from the S&T library, which has OverDrive. I recently listened to Blue Like Jazz, by Donald Miller, subtitled “Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality.” Actually, I didn’t get to finish it because my checkout expired. Still, it opened my mind to a lot of interesting perspectives.

One recurring theme is that our actions can block the Holy Spirit. That is, our sins are already forgiven, but until we confess them and place our trust in God, we cannot fully experience the power of the Holy Spirit working through us. One time this theme appeared was in the context of tithing, but that’s a topic for another day.

There’s a chapter in which he and the rest of his little Christian group hosted a public confession booth. Imagine a booth with one member of the group on one side of a divider (the “priest”) and a visitor on the other. What made it different, though, was that the “priest” was there to confess HIS (or HER) sins to the visitor. So often, those of us inside the church are perceived to be judging those outside the church, and/or to be hypocrites who fail to see the log in our own eye. They tried to flip the script.

Sins fall into two broad categories: sins of commission and sins of omission. I’d say I do OK on the sins of commission. I haven’t murdered anyone lately, but I need to work on coveting. Overall, maybe a B-. When it comes to sins of omission, though, I have a long way to go. More like a D+. So here goes: a far-from-exhaustive confession of sins of omission.

A couple months ago, I wrote about Radical, which ends with a call to change your life. There are five key parts to it:

• Pray for the whole world. My prayers continue to be me-centric. My life, my family, my job, my church. When I’m at my best, I pray for people who are in the news, maybe once. If I’m not praying for, say, LGBTQ equality, how much do I really care about it? If I’m not praying for people outside my immediate tribe, how can I hope to expand my circle and play a role in transforming the world?
• Read the whole Bible. I’m using the Bible In One Year app, which is good. However, my time with the Bible is rarely Spirit-filled. I scroll through it while drinking my coffee, or listen to the audio version while I’m getting dressed or something. There is little spiritual formation, just information.
• Give sacrificially. I got started on this, but we are now building a house. So I put that on hold. Again, back to being me-centric. I can justify, or perhaps rationalize, my current giving level by the uncertainties associated with construction, selling our house, kids, etc. Still, there are ALWAYS reasons (excuses) not to be generous.
• Go somewhere to spread the Gospel. I looked into Solar Under the Sun and was going to get started on it, but the schedule didn’t work out. I could have found some other program or other way to get outside my normal life, but I didn’t. They do training twice a year; I still have the next one on my calendar, so we’ll see.
• Community. This is perhaps the one that I’m doing the best, being a part of a Christian community. However, if I’m being honest, there’s only a fraction of my church that I actually engage with.

Beyond that list of areas, there are plenty of other ways that I fall short of God’s calling. I just started listening to Racism Without Racists by Eduardo Bonilla-Silva. (Honestly, it may be a little too academic for an audiobook. We’ll see if I can get through it.) So far, it has just reminded me that I am a product of extensive privilege: a highly-educated straight, cis-gender, white man. I know that I made the most of opportunities I was given, but I also know that I was given many opportunities that other people will never have. I should be working to rectify racism, homophobia, transphobia, classism, and so forth. Yet I am content to be a passive recipient of these privileges.

Confessional Community

The next piece of what Miller described was confessional community. That is, he did not personally go out and confess to random people on the street (or on the Internet, as I’m doing). He did it as a part of a Christian community that was honest with each other, and honest about the corporate sin of the Christian Church. How can we build that kind of community within First Presbyterian Church of Rolla? If not as a whole congregation, perhaps as a smaller group.

On an earlier post, Rev. Robert Rogers commented, “I think it should be the personal and the communal, because faith is both personal resulting from the promises of our baptism, but it is a baptism into the communal or tribe.” Amen! It’s a both-and situation. I am personally responsible for my own sins and their impact on the world. I am also part of a congregation, a denomination, and a universal Church that have sinned throughout history, and continue to sin in ways big and small. We fail to live up to our calling as the body of Christ. I cannot disentangle my personal sins from our corporate sins.

The tricky thing is to confess in humility, and not to make it a humblebrag. I hope that I have struck that balance in this post.

This past spring, I took a course on Reformed theology from the University of Dubuque as part of my studies towards becoming a commissioned ruling elder. Basically, we read the entire Book of Confessions, plus study materials. The final project was a statement of faith, with engagement of the confessions and of scripture. I’m not 100% happy with my result, but this is more complete than my previous statement of faith.

In our Dinner & Discipleship group at church, we are reading through Sabbath as Resistance by Walter Brueggemann. The first few chapters are focused on how we as individuals organize our lives. Chapter 4, which we just discussed, shifts the focus a bit to how the church behaves.

Humans are tribal by nature. The ancients understood this. The “individual” was essentially invented by Descartes. Subsequently, both philosophy and theology shifted to addressing how we, as individuals, believe, or how we respond to God. The Old Testament especially, but the New Testament as well, addresses how we behave within a tribe or nation, and how that tribe or nation should interact with God. God did not choose Abraham alone, or Moses alone, to bless. God chose them so that a nation, Israel, would be blessed. Indeed, many of the individuals that God chose throughout the Bible didn’t have very good lives. Prophets like Elijah were always on the run; most or all of the apostles were martyred; and of course Christ was crucified and bore all the sins of the world. Though these individuals suffered, their tribe or nation was blessed through them. Jesus proclaimed all humanity to be His nation.

¹⁸ Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. ¹⁹ Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,²⁰ and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Matthew 28:18-20 (The Great Commission)

My “tribe” these days is the congregation where I worship, the Mission where I volunteer, and to a lesser extent, my colleagues at S&T and internationally in IEEE. I’m going to try to read the Bible as addressing us as a community, rather than addressing me as an individual, and to try to understand how I can play a role in transforming my tribe into Christ’s Kingdom.

²⁹ Jesus answered, “The first is, ‘Hear, O Israel: the Lord our God, the Lord is one;³⁰ you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ ³¹ The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Mark 12:29-31

If something is important, Jesus said it more than once. We see this Great Commandment in Matthew, Mark, and Luke. Let’s break it down a bit. First and foremost, love God with all that you are. Second, love your neighbor as yourself. This is really two statements: love your neighbor AND love yourself. In loving God, we learn how to love others and love ourselves.

This stands in contrast to another recurring message throughout the Bible: We are all sinners before God. And yet, we are charged with loving each other just as we love God, who is perfect. We are called to repentance, which involves acknowledging our own sins, but also to love ourselves as God loves us.

I recently listened to a great podcast, an interview of a therapist who is gay and Christian. She makes the point that you need to love yourself as you are, and accept yourself as who you are, first. Then, you can begin the process of becoming more whole: more healthy, more holy, more loving of God and others, more of who God wants you to be.

This relates also to an audiobook I recently listened to, Atomic Habits by James Clear. My motivation was to put in action the challenge I discussed in my last post. Briefly, Clear makes the point that in order to change your habits (whether to eliminate a bad one or add a new one), you must know your habits. You must acknowledge reality before you can change it. You must know yourself as a beloved child of God before you can become who God wants you to be.

I’m writing this on a day when the United Methodist Church at a special General Conference has voted to maintain its bans on “self-avowed practicing homosexuals” as clergy, and on same-sex marriage. This is denial of the second half of the Great Commandment writ large. It comes from a place of not loving the UMC as it is: a church that seeks radical hospitality, welcoming all those who seek God. It comes from a denial of who people are. Nobody chooses to be gay; they choose instead to accept who they already are, who God made them to be. I wish that I had words of comfort for the individuals, congregations, conferences, and clergy who must now decide whether to stay in an unwelcoming denomination or depart. I do not. I know that similar decisions (though for the opposite reason) have had painful consequences for ELCA and PC(USA). I grieve for them all.

I just finished Radical by David Platt. While there is much about it that I disagree with, I’m working on the challenge he makes at the end. The overarching theme is that Jesus’s call to His followers is far more radical than what most of us do. Coincidentally, this week’s lectionary Gospel reading is Luke 5:1-11, the story of Jesus calling Simon (Peter) and his partners James and John, sons of Zebedee. The key verse: “When they had brought their boats to shore, they left everything and followed him.”

This is hard. I am not at the point where I can leave everything behind. Too many people depend on me. And yet, I can make small changes in that direction. Which brings me to Platt’s challenge: to spend a year with the following changes:

• Pray. Pray every day for the world. It’s unreasonable to pray for the whole world every day and have any depth, but over the course of a month or a year, pray for God’s people everywhere.
• Read. Read the Bible–the whole Bible. There are lots of ways to do this. I’m using the Bible In One Year app from Alpha. I had started that a while ago and kind of fell off the wagon. I’m back at it now.
• Give. Give sacrificially to something that furthers God’s kingdom. Be involved, so that it’s personal and not just financial. For now, I’m focused on The Rolla Mission.
• Go. Go somewhere outside your normal life to spread the Gospel. One thing I’m considering getting involved in is Solar Under the Sun, which provides solar energy to communities in the developing world. The idea is to (1) serve far away communities, (2) spread the Gospel, and (3) see the Gospel in a new light.
• Community. Be a part of a Christian community. I have that already in First Presbyterian Church of Rolla.

A big part of being successful in this will be keeping myself on task. Every morning, my routine is to play on my phone while I drink coffee. Just a complete waste of time. I need to make a series of small changes so that I spend my time wisely.

Lately, I’ve been listening to an audiobook of The Book of Joy, which is based on interviews of the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. The section I just listened to addressed the role of suffering. The general theme was that suffering sets our joy in sharp relief, so that we may know joy. That is, we do not experience joy despite suffering, but because of it.

Meanwhile, I’ve read some stuff from Queer Theology, in particular their online magazine Spit & Spirit. In one column, Brian Gerald Murphy, the publisher, writes, “I am thankful to be queer….My experiences because of my sexual orientation profoundly shaped (and continue to shape) my life. They helped me to question my previously unquestioned beliefs. They brought me into contact with diverse people and opinions. And, perhaps most strikingly, they guided me deeper into the Christian faith.”

In physics, the principle of relativity dictates that any inertial reference frame is indistinguishable. That is, as long as your speed is constant, it doesn’t matter what that speed is. What you can feel is a change in speed. What you can see is a difference between two different reference frames. In a similar way, people can’t really feel their conditions, but can feel a change in their conditions. They can see how they compare to other people.

If a person has never experienced hardship, or setbacks, or challenges, it’s hard for them to really know joy. At the same time, it’s hard for them to really have empathy. I would say that by most measures, I’ve had a pretty easy life. In my career, I had to go through some setbacks, though, before I was toughened up enough to be really successful. If I had not worked in industry between MS and PhD, my math skills would probably be better, but I don’t know if I’d be able to handle the frequent rejection that is inherent to academia.

I also had to experience some pain in my personal life before I could really grow spiritually. Parenthood has a way of making you realize how little control you have over your life, and my wife’s illness has made me realize the limits of human knowledge and that there are unsolvable problems. Now, I can more readily appreciate the good things in my life, and can also empathize more with people who face challenges.

I think that’s part of what Brian Gerald Murphy was saying. When he had some experiences that did not match up with what he was taught or believed, he transitioned from a simple, shallow faith to a deep, complex relationship with God.

I’m almost done listening to an audiobook of The Book of Joy. It was written by Douglas Abrams based on a week-long interview of the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. I highly recommend it. They talk at length about Eight Pillars of Joy:

• Perspective
• Humility
• Humor
• Acceptance
• Forgiveness
• Gratitude
• Compassion
• Generosity

One theme that seems to run through the whole book, though, is service to others. The more self-focused your perspective, the more you work towards improving your own condition, the worse you feel. If on the other hand, you are focused on other people’s condition, and how you can help improve it, the more joy you find.

This makes sense to me from many angles. Certainly, volunteering at the Mission is a high point in my week. Although economists might tell you that the basic unit of society is the individual, anthropologists will tell you that it’s the tribe. Humans were made for connection, for mutual interdependence. Tribes only survive as long as each individual makes the well-being of the tribe and its members a higher priority than the well-being of the individual.

This theme pervades the Bible as well. All those rules in the Old Testament are fundamentally about ensuring that individuals don’t aggrandize themselves at the expense of their neighbors, however they might be defined. In the New Testament, service to others is emphasized again and again. :

²⁵ But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones are tyrants over them. ²⁶ It will not be so among you; but whoever wishes to be great among you must be your servant, ²⁷ and whoever wishes to be first among you must be your slave; ²⁸ just as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many.”

Matthew 20:25-28

So the question to me, and to whoever might be reading this, is: How can we best serve others? Not to sacrifice just for the sake of sacrifice, but to get the most bang for the buck. Maybe not to affect the most people, but whatever we do, it should have an impact. Maybe I can’t bring about world peace, but I can help one person find peace. Maybe I can’t show love to the whole world, but I can show love to each person I encounter.

As I’ve said elsewhere, I’m working on figuring out a ministry to the LGBT community. Now, there is danger in being an open ally, but that danger is nothing compared to the danger that someone who is openly gay or openly transgender faces. So rather than worry about my reputation or whatever, I should keep my focus on how I can share God’s love with people who have been abandoned and ostracized, and have a real positive impact on individual’s lives.

What is your calling? How are you called to service? And what are you prepared to sacrifice in service to others?

³⁴ He called the crowd with his disciples, and said to them, “If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. ³⁵ For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel,^[i will save it. ³⁶ For what will it profit them to gain the whole world and forfeit their life? ³⁷ Indeed, what can they give in return for their life? 

Mark 8:34-37

Merry Christmas! I’m visiting my in-laws right now. I am blessed with a great family–wife, kids, parents, siblings, and wife’s family. I know not everyone has such a loving family, or has had a falling out. I hope and pray for reconciliation. Know that we are all reconciled in Christ, and one day we will all know His peace. Meanwhile, we just catch glimpses of His Kingdom.

Everyone has two families. There’s the one that they’re born into, and then there’s the one that they choose. By that I mean, in my case, my wife and kids; my dear friends like Sharon, Jenny, Missy, and Mary; and my church. Both families are so important! Not everyone can be born into a kind, loving, welcoming family, but everyone can choose a family that builds them up.

In Luke 12, Jesus tells a parable warning against an abundance of possessions, and that we should not worry about the future. We are promised abundant life, not a life of abundance. What is meant by abundant life? It’s people, it’s relationships, it’s love and belonging, it’s hope for the future. As we remember Jesus’s birth in a humble place, we realize that he and his parents had very little in the way of material comforts, yet they were rich beyond measure in God’s love.

May God bless you likewise!

One thing I like about academia is the natural cycle to the year. The semester is nearly at an end, with just some grading to wrap up. I have also finished my first class from U. Dubuque. (Their semesters are shorter than ours. Started after, finished earlier, with a break now until February.) So it’s time to do a little reflection.

Back in early summer, I was at a loss for what the next phase of my life might be. There are a lot of external uncertainties: my family, my church, my employer/campus, my career, my community, and my country all are in a state of flux. I was a little overwhelmed with it all. So much beyond my control, so much that I wanted to do. I’m the kind of person who likes to have a plan.

Some things have happened between then and now that confirm the path I’m on. I’ve received a couple of major grants, so my career is not a significant concern. My experience with the U. Dubuque course was very positive, with lots of learning and lots of positive feedback from the professor and other students. Conversations that I’ve had with a couple of mentors have helped me see the positives in my life.

I’m learning to deal with the uncertainties of life. My friend Sharon’s mantra is helpful: “Do the best you can with what you have, where you are today.” It’s a continual process, of course. But I’m not paralyzed with indecision as often as in the last few years.

Most importantly, a few things have happened in the past couple weeks that really confirm my desire to build a ministry to the LGBTQ community. I can’t divulge any of the details, but suffice it to say that I’ve stepped out in faith and been rewarded with new connections. In case it wasn’t clear from my sermons and other writings, I very much believe that gay, transgender, and other queer individuals have a place in God’s Kingdom. Not as second-class citizens, not as people who have to deny their true nature, but as equals in the eyes of God.

At this point, I’ve done just barely more than the minimum. I’m formally a More Light Presbyterian, but haven’t actually done anything with that organization. Most days, I wear two bracelets: one a silicone rainbow that I got at a Pride parade, the other a Jesus fish. The idea is to communicate the fact that they go together: I believe in gay rights because of my faith, not in spite of it. I have a Safe Space sign outside my office door.

OK, I’ve done the minimum and was rewarded by the Spirit’s leading. What’s next?

There are two things that I see missing in Rolla. One, there is no religious organization that is explicitly affirming of LGBTQ individuals. Every day, I drive past the corner of 10th & Pine St and see, usually, anti-gay or anti-transgender messages from a Christian group. Nowhere in town, though, do I see an affirming message, neither Christian nor secular. Two, there is no real support for LGBTQ individuals who are not affiliated with Missouri S&T. (Students on campus can visit SDI; faculty and staff at least have the Title IX office.)

Now, being straight, I’m fairly limited in what kind of guidance I can give, and I need to remain humble, realizing that I cannot know what a gay person wants or needs or has experienced. Being a full-time university employee, I’m fairly limited in how much time I can put into off-campus endeavors. Still, there must be a way for me to work towards filling that first need, the need for an open and affirming Christian organization. One of my goals for 2019 is to figure out what that might look like, and then to take steps in that direction.