Engineering My Faith

⁷ Then the Lord said, “I have observed the misery of my people who are in Egypt; I have heard their cry on account of their taskmasters. Indeed, I know their sufferings, ⁸ and I have come down to deliver them from the Egyptians, and to bring them up out of that land to a good and broad land, a land flowing with milk and honey, to the country of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites. ⁹ The cry of the Israelites has now come to me; I have also seen how the Egyptians oppress them. ¹⁰ So come, I will send you to Pharaoh to bring my people, the Israelites, out of Egypt.” ¹¹ But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” ¹² He said, “I will be with you; and this shall be the sign for you that it is I who sent you: when you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall worship God on this mountain.”

Exodus 3:7-12

Something I picked up in my Bible in One Year reading this week: Have a vision so big that it would be impossible without God. This is a real challenge for me. As an engineer, I’m used to dealing with the possible. If I’m going to start a project, I need to have a lot of confidence that the project will be successful, and that I have the resources to complete it.

This has actually been a hindrance to my academic career. Some federal funding agencies want solutions to problems; for example, my extreme fast charging project. The National Science Foundation (NSF), though, wants research that matters. Similarly for DARPA and ARPA-E, but even more so: if an idea seems too feasible, they won’t fund it, but instead will defer to one of the other agencies or to industry. I have a hard time coming up with ideas that are big enough, that will have enough impact, that will be high-risk/high-reward. I’m more of a low-risk/low-reward kind of guy.

In ministry, it’s important to dream big, though. Take risks, and trust that God will be with you. I’ve found that when you’re on the right path, pieces fall into place more easily. For example, Common Call Campus Ministry has struggled over the past few years. We kept trying to come up with programs that might be appealing to students. But what’s important in campus ministry—in any ministry—is relationships. So last semester, we focused on building relationships among the students who showed up, while seeking an idea for action that resonated with them.

What we latched onto is this: We are going to develop a resource list that can be distributed to inmates who are released from Phelps County Jail. A list of resources that can help them build a better life. Many people who get caught up in the criminal justice system have issues with mental health or substance abuse. Others need to develop skills, both for work and for life. Many need to find a place to live, a job, and so forth. If they don’t get support for all of these needs, it’s easy to fall back into their old way of life and never escape.

So far, pursuing this path has been uncomfortable at times, but otherwise “easy.” That is, when we explain to people what we’re trying to accomplish, they are almost always supportive immediately. I truly feel that we’re on the right path, a path that will impact our community and the students involved with it.

This is a real, concrete step that we can take. But we also need to (eventually) dream bigger. There’s an old story that I’ll try to recreate here. A little village was built on a river. Once, there was a person floating downstream that needed to be rescued, so the village saved them. Soon after, another person came by needing to be saved, then another, then another. Eventually, the villagers realized that they needed to go upstream and find out why people kept falling in! Today, Common Call is in the position of the villagers and gathering up pieces of rope to toss out. Someday, maybe we’ll be able to go upstream.

Churches often fall into the trap of dreaming too small. One book I read referred to “functional atheists.” That is, we say we believe in God, we worship God each week, we orient our lives around God’s teachings, but when push comes to shove, we don’t trust in God’s providence. We look around at the resources we have, and take actions accordingly. Instead, we should look around at the world, dream of a future that is better, and follow God’s guidance to build that future.

Moses didn’t have the resources, or really anything he might need, to lead Israel out of Egypt. But God was with him, always providing just what was needed. Today, let us also trust that if we are on the path God has chosen for us, God will provide what we need.

God is love, and those who abide in love abide in God, and God abides in them. ¹⁷ Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness on the day of judgment, because as he is, so are we in this world. ¹⁸ There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love.

1 John 4:16b-18

This is ground I’ve covered before, but was brought to mind again this week. This past fall, I bought a Monk Manual. It’s like a planner, but with differences that are intended to emphasize the skills of being and doing that are exemplified by monastic living. Its creator, Steven Lawson, recently started a 30-day course intended to move you towards greater fullness of life. The topic for Day 28 was “Fear vs Love.”

Here’s what I took from the lesson (which is pretty short—feel free to check it out). Every choice we make, every action we take, is driven ultimately by fear, love, or some combination. Only love is life-giving. Only love leads to greater fullness. As John wrote, God is love, so when we act from a place of love, we have the possibility of connecting to God.

We had a great discussion about it at Common Call also. The key concept I took from it was that there are surface emotions—happiness, sadness, anger, and so forth—that reflect some deep-seated love or fear.

In many cases, our underlying motives are some combination. For example, I go to work daily. Why? Lots of reasons: duty; money; interacting with students, faculty, and staff; doing research; achieving prominence in my field and on campus; etc. Some of these trace back to fear. If I don’t make money, I can’t provide for my family, can’t continue to live as I currently do, etc. Maybe I seek prominence because I’m afraid I’m not good enough (impostor syndrome).

But maybe I go to work out of a place of love. Maybe I like interacting with students because I want them to become more complete humans, more complete engineers. Maybe I do research because I love new knowledge, or love the process (the reading, the thinking, writing code, fiddling in the lab).

The truth is, the real reasons are all of these, and more. Whichever reason I focus on, though, takes on more significant meaning. As Peter Gibbons, the protagonist of Office Space, said, fear will make you work just hard enough not to get fired. If that’s all I thought about, I would do the minimum, and be miserable like he was. If instead I focus on the reasons that come from a place of love, the fears will fall away, and I will become more like the person God wants me to be.

The other day, I had a conversation about the possibility of turning our church into a More Light congregation, that is, publicly adopting a statement that affirms the place of LGBTQ individuals in our church and in God’s kingdom. There are two ways to look at it. On the one hand, our congregation is slowly shrinking due to the age of the members. There is certainly fear that our best days are behind us and we will someday need to close the doors. This fear drives a lot of the discussions about evangelism: will such-and-such activity, program, or message bring more people into the church so we can grow again? Maybe becoming More Light would drive some people away; maybe it would draw others in. Which do we fear more: losing people we have, or dying through attrition? These fears can totally paralyze our decision-making process.

On the other hand, I firmly believe that all people belong in God’s kingdom, and that people who are connected to a church find more and deeper joy. I believe that there are many people in our community who need to hear the message that God loves them for who they are—regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. I believe that there are others who need to hear the message that God is love, not judgment. Whether or not any of them ever enter our church building is beside the point. I would like us to become More Light as a statement of love for our neighbors, praying that this love, and God’s love, would cast out all fears.

Any action can have multiple motivations, some of them based in love, some of them based in fear. Choose love.

⁸ Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Philippians 4:8

I would describe my beliefs broadly as “progressive Christian.” That means a lot of things. Today, I’m thinking on two of the principles listed on the Common Call site, which were basically lifted from https://progressivechristianity.org/:

• I believe that following the path and teachings of Jesus can lead to an awareness and experience of the Sacred and the Oneness and Unity of all life; and
• I affirm that the teachings of Jesus provide but one of many ways to experience the Sacredness and Oneness of life, and that we can draw from diverse sources of wisdom in our spiritual journey.

These are two principles that are somewhat in tension, but that tension is part and parcel of my faith. Basically, I’m saying that I believe Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, but due to God’s immanence, Truth has broken through and been revealed in many places, cultures, and times.

My morning routine includes a daily reading from the Bible in One Year app produced by Nicky Gumbel, Vicar of Holy Trinity Brompton (HTB, an Anglican church in London) and pioneer of Alpha. When I mentioned that on a progressive site recently, someone asserted that Alpha, in their experience was anti-progressive. My experience of it has been that it is reminiscent of Mere Christianity: it focuses on the very basics of the Christian faith.

Recently, I saw that First Baptist Church of Rolla ran an Alpha course. A couple years ago, I ran one through Common Call (not exactly a failure, but far from a success). Now, do I think First Baptist approached it the same way I did? Absolutely not. But just as we read the same Bible, we share certain beliefs in common, chief among them that Jesus is Lord.

Because of my affiliation with Common Call, I am also active in the Campus Ministries Association. Beliefs of my colleagues in CMA range from Catholic to Mormon to Pentecostal. I think most of us would disagree on a lot of theological issues. But we all believe in Jesus as our Lord and Savior, and that students are better off being engaged in a faith community.

Not all paths lead to God. But many paths can lead us to a deeper awareness of the Holy Spirit that binds all humanity. We are not meant to live solo lives. We are meant to live in community with each other. Whether that community is Presbyterian, or Catholic, or Buddhist, or atheist, I believe the Holy Spirit is there connecting our hearts.

So I’m OK with interfaith dialogue. I’m looking forward to a time when I can go on a Jesuit spiritual retreat. I’ve encouraged non-Christians to seek out a Unitarian Universalist congregation. God is too big to squeeze into a doctrinal box. God is in everything–we are simply limited in our awareness of God’s presence and our ability to describe it.

⁴ Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant ⁵ or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ⁶ it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. ⁷ It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I am an engineer—by training, by profession, by temperament, and as an identity. It’s core to who I am. Broadly speaking, engineers solve problems by applying logic, reasoning, and knowledge.

The incentives in the world all are biased towards the individual. People are paid for work completed, and those who do the best or most work generally get ahead. Being single with no commitments would, in principle, facilitate being more successful. If all you have in your life is work and more work, you should be able to accomplish more and be more successful.

From that perspective, marriage is a bad deal. You promise that you will sacrifice yourself for the sake of someone else, expecting little or nothing (of material value) in return. “In sickness and in health” sounds glorious when everyone is healthy. When poor health (or poverty, or worse) comes along, it would sure be convenient to treat the marriage like a business arrangement that can be painlessly terminated. Parenthood similarly asks for a tremendous investment of time and money, and a complete re-ordering of your life, with a huge amount of uncertainty.

I don’t really know how love works. Love defies logic and reason. Relationships aren’t problems that can be solved, but rather works of art that are created together. The value of marriage is that it forces the pair to seriously address the ugliness that can arise in any relationship, rather than abandon the beauty that remains.

Marriage is logical, but the love that undergirds it is not. That is, love is an irrational premise, but from that premise, marriage follows logically. Similarly, religion is logical. Every religion has rules, rituals, and ways of being that have a certain internal logic. This structure keeps a religious community together through the hard times, and keeps an individual engaged when God seems absent. Yet the Spirit that supports it all is beyond our understanding.

A common phrase these days that people use to describe themselves is, “spiritual but not religious.” What they really mean is that they accept the premise of God, but not the structures that (other people think) logically follow. I think this is like accepting the premise of love, but not marriage. Being in love, or believing in God, can only get you so far. Relationships, with other people or with God, require commitment, a promise to stay in the relationship when things get hard. It is when you go through those hard times, together, that you realize what matters most to you.

Program Notes

My apologies for this being a bit rough, but I wanted to get some thoughts out. I’ve had several interesting conversations this week that touch on love, commitment, community, and spirituality. I will almost certainly return to these themes again sometime.

I am preaching somewhat regularly now. I preach periodically in my home church, First Presbyterian Church of Rolla, when the installed pastor is traveling. I also preach about once a month at First Presbyterian Church of Cuba. I will continue to post my sermons, both written and recorded. Those sermons will typically be based on the lectionary or else on a topic given to me by someone else.

My intention is to also post blog posts like this on weeks when I don’t preach. Blog posts will generally cover other topics, separate from the lectionary, but related to something in my life.

In addition, I’ve been reading a lot (well, mostly listening to audiobooks while I run or drive) and will post a list of books that have impacted my life. As of this writing, I’m listening to The Second Mountain by David Brooks.

²⁰ It is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be put to shame in any way, but that by my speaking with all boldness, Christ will be exalted now as always in my body, whether by life or by death. ²¹ For to me, living is Christ and dying is gain. ²² If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which I prefer. ²³ I am hard pressed between the two: my desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better; ²⁴ but to remain in the flesh is more necessary for you.

Philippians 1:20-24

I heard recently–I can’t remember where–that all human fear is ultimately fear of death. There are the obvious examples, like acrophobia. I’m not actually afraid of heights: I’m afraid of plummeting to my death.

But there are less obvious connections. Let’s think about what it means to be human. We are fundamentally tribal. We cannot survive alone. When I go elk hunting, I’m truly independent–except that I’m with a group who helps me out (mutual assistance) and I bring with me food, shelter, and tools that I obtain from the vast interconnected human society. If I had to go alone without any of these supplies, for more than about a week, I probably wouldn’t survive.

A human who is in a tribe survives, and may thrive along with their tribe; a human who is cast out of their tribe is in imminent danger. So many of our social fears come back to this connection. Why is someone afraid to do something embarrassing? At some primal level, they know that sufficient embarrassment could result in banishment and death.

And this is not altogether ridiculous, even today. Suppose the “embarrassing” thing a person does is to tell their parents that they are gay. There is a non-zero chance that their parents will throw them out. In fact, 40% of homeless teens are LGBT; 80% of those are homeless because their family rejected them in some way. Keep in mind that roughly 7% of the general population is LGBT. What happens when someone is homeless? Well, nothing good, at least not as good as being in a stable, supportive family. Also, LGBT homeless individuals report more abuse, violence, suicide attempts, and other negative experiences than straight homeless individuals.

So, fear of being shamed is rightly coupled with fear of death. But why should we fear?

In Paul’s letter to the church at Philippi, he wrote those famous words: “For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” Paul knew that one day, he would see God face to face. That he would meet Christ and dwell with him forever. To die would mean to be glorified. Knowing that death is not the end, he was bold to preach the Gospel. He could live confidently as an outspoken apostle.

Paul did pay an earthly price for his defiance of social norms and the Roman Empire. He spent years in prison, and was most likely martyred. And yet, he left a phenomenal legacy: the Christian church as we know it. Around one-third of the New Testament was written by, about, or in the name of Paul. He founded churches around the Mediterranean that survived when the Jewish homeland was destroyed.

So for Paul, to live was Christ: while he lived, he followed his calling and built a movement that endures to this day. And to die was gain: he entered into God’s presence when his work was done.

Where am I allowing fear of death, in the form of fear of embarrassment or shame, hold me back from proclaiming the Gospel?

Where are you living fearfully, instead of boldly?

What danger is the Holy Spirit leading you into, knowing that God will carry you through?

Recently, I’ve had conversations with two individuals–one devout Christian, one atheist–that touched on my beliefs about salvation. Here are some thoughts I’d like to share.

First, let me say that everyone is wrong in some way, myself included. There are things that we cannot know with any certainty this side of the grave. The reason to be concerned about our final destination, then, is not to be right, but to act in ways that lead to the maximum joy: abundant life.

There are three main Christian understandings of what happens when we die:

1. Some go to heaven, a place of eternal joy in God’s presence. The rest go to hell, a place of eternal conscious torment in God’s absence.
2. Some go to heaven. Others cease to exist.
3. Everyone goes to heaven.

There are many variations of each, but these three capture the essential options. You can find plenty of Biblical support for each position.

Another aspect in the Reformed branch, which descends from Calvin and includes Presbyterians, is the doctrine of election, or predestination. This doctrine also has various forms that I will not pretend to understand in their entirety.

The essence of predestination is that God, who knows the end from the beginning, has already chosen who will be saved. Under salvation option #1, the logical conclusion is that God has also already chosen who will be damned. My problem is this: What kind of being chooses “winners” and “losers” before the “game,” but lets the game proceed anyway? Are we all just some sort of cosmic entertainment?

Under salvation option #2, the situation is a bit better, but not much. The implication is that God still chooses winners & losers, but at least there is no punishment for the losers.

Let’s look at option #3. Everyone wins! How can that be? Karl Barth, one of the greatest 20th century theologians, explained it something like this: God the Father predestinated one human for salvation: God the Son, in the person of Jesus of Nazareth. In Him, all humanity was reconciled to God. By simply being human, we are all children of God, predestinated for salvation to the eternal joy of God’s presence.

This makes sense to me. I find the other versions of predestination unpalatable at a visceral level, and illogical in ways that are difficult to reconcile with my understanding of who God is.

Some will argue, “What about Jesus saying that ‘nobody comes to the Father but through me?'” I think that still works with Barth’s form of predestination. Others will say that you must “accept Jesus in your heart.” Sure. But who says it has to happen before you die? In 1 Peter 3:19 and 4:6, the writer indicates that Jesus preached to the dead. Whether you live a few hours or a hundred years, this life in these fragile bodies (“treasures in jars of clay,” 2 Corinthians 4:7) lasts for just a moment, compared to all eternity. As it says in Amazing Grace:

When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
  Bright shining as the sun,
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
  Than when we first begun.

That’s a hundred lifetimes. A just and merciful God would not punish you forever for something that happens in a blink of an eye.

“What about Hitler? Stalin? Pol Pot? ISIS?” There is redemption and reconciliation waiting for us all. ALL. Maybe it takes longer for some than others. I don’t know. But I will choose to act as thought ALL people are beloved children of God, destined for heaven, and therefore worthy of my love, too.

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I just returned from an elk hunting trip. During the trip, I drafted the above post. When I got home, I saw that the latest issue of The Christian Century (a wonderful gift from Rev. Robert Rogers) has an article on this subject. I will follow up with some thoughts after I have read that article. Meanwhile, I wanted to get this out.