Engineering My Faith

Lately, I’ve been listening to an audiobook of The Book of Joy, which is based on interviews of the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. The section I just listened to addressed the role of suffering. The general theme was that suffering sets our joy in sharp relief, so that we may know joy. That is, we do not experience joy despite suffering, but because of it.

Meanwhile, I’ve read some stuff from Queer Theology, in particular their online magazine Spit & Spirit. In one column, Brian Gerald Murphy, the publisher, writes, “I am thankful to be queer….My experiences because of my sexual orientation profoundly shaped (and continue to shape) my life. They helped me to question my previously unquestioned beliefs. They brought me into contact with diverse people and opinions. And, perhaps most strikingly, they guided me deeper into the Christian faith.”

In physics, the principle of relativity dictates that any inertial reference frame is indistinguishable. That is, as long as your speed is constant, it doesn’t matter what that speed is. What you can feel is a change in speed. What you can see is a difference between two different reference frames. In a similar way, people can’t really feel their conditions, but can feel a change in their conditions. They can see how they compare to other people.

If a person has never experienced hardship, or setbacks, or challenges, it’s hard for them to really know joy. At the same time, it’s hard for them to really have empathy. I would say that by most measures, I’ve had a pretty easy life. In my career, I had to go through some setbacks, though, before I was toughened up enough to be really successful. If I had not worked in industry between MS and PhD, my math skills would probably be better, but I don’t know if I’d be able to handle the frequent rejection that is inherent to academia.

I also had to experience some pain in my personal life before I could really grow spiritually. Parenthood has a way of making you realize how little control you have over your life, and my wife’s illness has made me realize the limits of human knowledge and that there are unsolvable problems. Now, I can more readily appreciate the good things in my life, and can also empathize more with people who face challenges.

I think that’s part of what Brian Gerald Murphy was saying. When he had some experiences that did not match up with what he was taught or believed, he transitioned from a simple, shallow faith to a deep, complex relationship with God.

I’m almost done listening to an audiobook of The Book of Joy. It was written by Douglas Abrams based on a week-long interview of the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. I highly recommend it. They talk at length about Eight Pillars of Joy:

• Perspective
• Humility
• Humor
• Acceptance
• Forgiveness
• Gratitude
• Compassion
• Generosity

One theme that seems to run through the whole book, though, is service to others. The more self-focused your perspective, the more you work towards improving your own condition, the worse you feel. If on the other hand, you are focused on other people’s condition, and how you can help improve it, the more joy you find.

This makes sense to me from many angles. Certainly, volunteering at the Mission is a high point in my week. Although economists might tell you that the basic unit of society is the individual, anthropologists will tell you that it’s the tribe. Humans were made for connection, for mutual interdependence. Tribes only survive as long as each individual makes the well-being of the tribe and its members a higher priority than the well-being of the individual.

This theme pervades the Bible as well. All those rules in the Old Testament are fundamentally about ensuring that individuals don’t aggrandize themselves at the expense of their neighbors, however they might be defined. In the New Testament, service to others is emphasized again and again. :

²⁵ But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones are tyrants over them. ²⁶ It will not be so among you; but whoever wishes to be great among you must be your servant, ²⁷ and whoever wishes to be first among you must be your slave; ²⁸ just as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many.”

Matthew 20:25-28

So the question to me, and to whoever might be reading this, is: How can we best serve others? Not to sacrifice just for the sake of sacrifice, but to get the most bang for the buck. Maybe not to affect the most people, but whatever we do, it should have an impact. Maybe I can’t bring about world peace, but I can help one person find peace. Maybe I can’t show love to the whole world, but I can show love to each person I encounter.

As I’ve said elsewhere, I’m working on figuring out a ministry to the LGBT community. Now, there is danger in being an open ally, but that danger is nothing compared to the danger that someone who is openly gay or openly transgender faces. So rather than worry about my reputation or whatever, I should keep my focus on how I can share God’s love with people who have been abandoned and ostracized, and have a real positive impact on individual’s lives.

What is your calling? How are you called to service? And what are you prepared to sacrifice in service to others?

³⁴ He called the crowd with his disciples, and said to them, “If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. ³⁵ For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel,^[i will save it. ³⁶ For what will it profit them to gain the whole world and forfeit their life? ³⁷ Indeed, what can they give in return for their life? 

Mark 8:34-37

Merry Christmas! I’m visiting my in-laws right now. I am blessed with a great family–wife, kids, parents, siblings, and wife’s family. I know not everyone has such a loving family, or has had a falling out. I hope and pray for reconciliation. Know that we are all reconciled in Christ, and one day we will all know His peace. Meanwhile, we just catch glimpses of His Kingdom.

Everyone has two families. There’s the one that they’re born into, and then there’s the one that they choose. By that I mean, in my case, my wife and kids; my dear friends like Sharon, Jenny, Missy, and Mary; and my church. Both families are so important! Not everyone can be born into a kind, loving, welcoming family, but everyone can choose a family that builds them up.

In Luke 12, Jesus tells a parable warning against an abundance of possessions, and that we should not worry about the future. We are promised abundant life, not a life of abundance. What is meant by abundant life? It’s people, it’s relationships, it’s love and belonging, it’s hope for the future. As we remember Jesus’s birth in a humble place, we realize that he and his parents had very little in the way of material comforts, yet they were rich beyond measure in God’s love.

May God bless you likewise!

One thing I like about academia is the natural cycle to the year. The semester is nearly at an end, with just some grading to wrap up. I have also finished my first class from U. Dubuque. (Their semesters are shorter than ours. Started after, finished earlier, with a break now until February.) So it’s time to do a little reflection.

Back in early summer, I was at a loss for what the next phase of my life might be. There are a lot of external uncertainties: my family, my church, my employer/campus, my career, my community, and my country all are in a state of flux. I was a little overwhelmed with it all. So much beyond my control, so much that I wanted to do. I’m the kind of person who likes to have a plan.

Some things have happened between then and now that confirm the path I’m on. I’ve received a couple of major grants, so my career is not a significant concern. My experience with the U. Dubuque course was very positive, with lots of learning and lots of positive feedback from the professor and other students. Conversations that I’ve had with a couple of mentors have helped me see the positives in my life.

I’m learning to deal with the uncertainties of life. My friend Sharon’s mantra is helpful: “Do the best you can with what you have, where you are today.” It’s a continual process, of course. But I’m not paralyzed with indecision as often as in the last few years.

Most importantly, a few things have happened in the past couple weeks that really confirm my desire to build a ministry to the LGBTQ community. I can’t divulge any of the details, but suffice it to say that I’ve stepped out in faith and been rewarded with new connections. In case it wasn’t clear from my sermons and other writings, I very much believe that gay, transgender, and other queer individuals have a place in God’s Kingdom. Not as second-class citizens, not as people who have to deny their true nature, but as equals in the eyes of God.

At this point, I’ve done just barely more than the minimum. I’m formally a More Light Presbyterian, but haven’t actually done anything with that organization. Most days, I wear two bracelets: one a silicone rainbow that I got at a Pride parade, the other a Jesus fish. The idea is to communicate the fact that they go together: I believe in gay rights because of my faith, not in spite of it. I have a Safe Space sign outside my office door.

OK, I’ve done the minimum and was rewarded by the Spirit’s leading. What’s next?

There are two things that I see missing in Rolla. One, there is no religious organization that is explicitly affirming of LGBTQ individuals. Every day, I drive past the corner of 10th & Pine St and see, usually, anti-gay or anti-transgender messages from a Christian group. Nowhere in town, though, do I see an affirming message, neither Christian nor secular. Two, there is no real support for LGBTQ individuals who are not affiliated with Missouri S&T. (Students on campus can visit SDI; faculty and staff at least have the Title IX office.)

Now, being straight, I’m fairly limited in what kind of guidance I can give, and I need to remain humble, realizing that I cannot know what a gay person wants or needs or has experienced. Being a full-time university employee, I’m fairly limited in how much time I can put into off-campus endeavors. Still, there must be a way for me to work towards filling that first need, the need for an open and affirming Christian organization. One of my goals for 2019 is to figure out what that might look like, and then to take steps in that direction.